This is my first explicit and public message to you and yes, I do describe myself as a beggar. Not a beggar for money or whatsoever, for money is only to be a tool, and never to be a goal.
But to tell you I'm a beggar for beauty and for beauty only it would also be to tell a terrible lie and the more a dangerous thing to say. For first of all, beauty's one of these concepts that are so very stretchable; it shows itself in as least as many different forms as there are people breathing in and out on this earth and that brings us to a variety of about 7 billion kinds. So there's no single guarantee you and I are talking about the same subject just by using the same word.
I do try to live as wide-eyed as I possibly can, hungry for experiences of as many of those uncountable kinds of beauty surrounding us, more hungry than I'll ever be able to feel for food or other satisfactions of the body. Hungry is the heart and moody often this mind producing those words tends to be, and I'll never know in which order those two things in the beginning took place. Hungry the heart and moody the mind I'd call the state in which I feel the urge to share as well, and that's the reason why you are reading this right now.
Though my native language happens to be the Dutch one, I here chose to write in English to eventually make my written utterances accessible for as many people as might be possibly interested in them. So please allow me the mistakes I will definitely make in using a language that is not my own.
So, who am I and why do I believe I am interesting enough to be worth some of your precious time? First I'd say, I am a human being. It seems ridiculous to point that part out, but history witnesses it's even more ridiculous the horrible amount of times and how incredibly fast this first fact and what it means (...) can be forgotten amongst several exemplaries of our species. Second, I am a woman, and for sure I believe that means something else than to be a man, though I find myself day by day still very occupied trying to figure out why that is and where this difference is created and where it is biologically inherent. Speaking of biology; I also of course am a daughter, a sister and so on. I am a child of my time (...), a friend I hope, a lover I'm sure... I am a student in modern literature and -more important- as anyone else, a student of life.
But, and how ever vain and arrogant some may believe this conviction of mine is, I admit that I do in the first place identify as an artist. My artistic occupations are mostly music, writing, contemporary dance and theatre - spoken word, though I must confess I actually am interested in any kind of creative expression, performed by myself òr others.
This blog I meant to be also a place for sharing my work in all the different kinds it may utter itself, both in the medium and within the more or less of qualitative value it presents itself, and the lather depends on what my own and your minds and hearts find in it, and on the other hand what they might be looking for in it, possibly fruitlessly...
However, I do not create; write,.. in order to satisfy anyone or anything other then the very urge to do so -the same urge that is referred to by so many as the 'muse'- in the way the great German poet R.M. Rilke once described the necessity to write in his 'Letters to a Young Poet':
There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity….
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